oye muy goodness!!!

i know i never update... usually use myspace... but i just needed a place to write... i don't know what my problem is... y is it that every time i decide to open up myself to another person i close it up immediately. i'm sick of keeping things from myself... like the whole not dating thing.... i know i decided to not date... but there was really o reason to it... i just kinda threw it out there as a reason i was single... and excuse to hide the fact that no one is usually interested... which complicates things now... it's to the point that i'm just denying everything from myself and overly guarding my heart... which there is really no rhyme or reason to... and that confuses me. y must i hide under this mask of independence i've grown accustomed to? if someone has an answer, enlighten me, cuz i'm getting so good at confusing myself.